Of Prayers and Love
by madwriterontheloose
Summary: Ruka-centric, oneshot. Two best friends and one girl in between. Ruka is floating with love, but soon crashes down once more.


Okay, before those people who read too much into things say anything, Ruka loves Natsume as a _friend_. That's it.

Also, this isn't a fandom I'm knowledgeable about, having only read Gakuen Alice to Vol. 5. Just a warning.

And I suck at making up titles.

Standard Disclaimers apply.

**Of Prayers and Love**

Ruka had been Natsume's best and only friend for a long, long time. He would do anything for Natsume, he would stick with him through anything. Ruka, quite simply, loved Natsume. And he was perfectly content with the idea of them staying in their own little world, just the two of them. But things change. People change. And soon it wasn't just them anymore.

Shecrashed into their lives without warning. She attracted people to her effortlessly, because she was so fresh and new and _different._ She brought light into dark rooms, into dark hearts, with her big, beautiful smile and her sincerity. Before he knew it, he couldn't take her eyes off her, he found himself smiling and laughing with her, and oh, he wanted this to last forever.

Sakura Mikan dazzled and fascinated Ruka, and suddenly Natsume wasn't his number one anymore.

It wasn't that Ruka was abandoning his friend, no! He knew how much Natsume cared about him, and he knew how much the other boy had suffered, so that he seemed much older than the elementary schooler he really was. But Ruka couldn't help but be sad around Natsume; he couldn't help but think of _what if's _when they were together. _What if, what if, what if…?_

He didn't have those kinds of thoughts when he was with Mikan. Just the sight of her smile was enough to get his heart fluttering, to fill him with exhilaration. It was silly to brood when with someone that was so cheerful, so hopeful about, well, everything! She made Ruka feel so giddy, he hardly knew what to do with himself. Smiling came easier, he found, when near her. When he was with her, he thought; maybe, maybe everything will be fine. Maybe I don't need to worry anymore. Maybe I can be happy.

It was amazing, the effect she had on him. The world seemed brighter, more vivid, with her in it. Was this what love was? Could children love, just as passionately and completely as adults?

Ruka marveled at the idea, and then thought once more of his closest friend. He wished earnestly for Natsume to experience the same uplifting feeling he had. He wanted Natsume to find someone for him like how Mikan was for Ruka, because if there was anyone who needed a light in the darkness it was Natsume. If there was anyone who needed saving, it was Natsume.

Please, he prayed. Please help him. Send him someone he can love. Send him someone who will stick with him in ways that I couldn't and who will help pick up the pieces when he's broken.

After all, Ruka loved Natsume.

…

It wasn't until many, many weeks later, that Ruka began to feel the first dark stirrings of doubt, of disbelief.

It was the little things. Things like the way his best friend's eyes softened as he looked at her, the way his smiles finally seemed to be reaching his eyes now. The playful banter he enjoyed with the girl, his protectiveness. Ruka's mind started whispering to him; things he couldn't, _wouldn't_ believe, things that were beginning to sound like the truth.

No, he silently screamed, denying it. No!

Isn't this what you wanted? Another part of him asked. He's your best friend. Didn't you want him to be happy?

Traitor! She's mine, mine…

It hurt, god, it hurt so much. He felt like sobbing, he felt like tearing his hair out, he felt like running away from the truth his eyes were showing him. He hated Natsume, but he loved him. He wanted his friend to be happy, but not with her. Not with her.

…_if there was anyone who needed a light in the darkness it was Natsume. _

Angry, bitter, but unable to express these feelings, Ruka was lost. Stuck, without closure.

…_if there was anyone who needed saving, it was Natsume._

He knew that if it came down to who needed her the most, it was Natsume. But, goddammit, what about him!? What about him…?

Ruka wondered, wearily, if the world looked brighter to Natsume when he was with her.

…

Hotaru had come to him one day, holding a camera. She had on the same emotionless expression as always, one that never failed to unnerve him.

"You need to stop sulking," she had said quite bluntly. "It's bad for business." He blinked at her once, twice, three times without saying anything.

"You don't understand," he said finally, his voice soft. He wondered vaguely if she was the only one who noticed. Did Natsume and Mikan realize? he wondered. Were they thinking about him?

"I don't need to understand." She brushed aside his words, and he bristled, irritated at her lack of concern. "I just need you to stop it with the kicked puppy look. There aren't many people who will pay for pictures of only that."

"That's all that matters to you, huh," he commented bitterly, eyes narrowed. She responded with a blank stare. He shifted uncomfortably, but said no more. Abruptly, she turned to leave, but gave him one last parting shot.

"Of course," she responded wryly. "So hurry up and get over whatever's bothering you. If you don't, I'm making you pay for all the profits I could have made."

She left Ruka bewildered and feeling at a disadvantage, as usual. But he mulled over her words nonetheless. How was he to get over something like this? How could he get over _her_?

People have more than one love per lifetime, his mind whispered to him, and for one brief moment he allowed himself to hope.

He would need time, he knew. His heart told him it was still too early, the pain was still new, the wound still fresh. But he didn't have to give up yet.

For the first time in what felt like ages, Ruka smiled.

That scene with Hotaru was just added on randomly to try to give Ruka a pseudo-happy ending. I'm not quite satisfied with it, so feel free to ignore it if you think the fic's better without it.


End file.
